When Lonesome Doves Cry

My personal soundtrack to "Lonesome Dove"

Last Wednesday I finished "Lonesome Dove," which I haven't been able to write about because all of my free time has been devoted to lessening the nine-book lead Kerry suddenly holds. But after she left several voice messages and texts that I can only describe as "abusive," I decided to finally put finger to keyboard and sum up the experience.

First of all, Larry McMurtry pretty much pulls off a master class in storytelling. The first 400 pages* he causally envelops you into the tale, introducing you to a disparate group of characters he draws with broad but precise strokes. Then he spends the next 500** pages walloping you with emotional suckerpunch after suckerpunch. It's a cliché, but you do fall in love with the characters.*** I found myself bartering with a higher power over the fates of my favorites, promising to clean my apartment/volunteer/donate to the Gulf if only they survived the Indian attack/found true love/admitted their paternity. I was worn out by the end, and can now understand the need for forgettable fiction where you aren't invested in the character's lives.

For me, one of the great joys in reading a book set before 1900 is trying to figure out when I would have died in that time period. I have a delicate immune system and no discernible manual skills, so I'd be pretty easy pickin' for all predators, human and viral. And McMurtry proves time and time again that I don't have the mettle to last long in the open West. Would I have gotten crushed in a cattle stampede? Besieged by water snakes during a river crossing? Casually shot down by horse thieves? The answer is probably a combination of all three. I found myself emphasizing with Roscoe Brown, the hapless deputy who sets out to find his sheriff only to be continually told by everyone he meets that he should turn around and find work as a clerk. I don't want to ruin anything by telling what happens to him, but I am grateful to live in a time with Mapquest and GPS.

*400? I know what you're saying, but trust me, you get lulled into the gentle rhythm and they go by fast.

**500?!? But it's a fast 500.

***Except for Ellie.

With "Franny and Zooey," Brendan achieves a pitiful Two

The song that played on my life soundtrack as I finished my second book

As my sister continued her Herculean effort to read every hastily written book about a zany-gal-who-just-can't-figure-it-out-but-nonetheless-wears-expensive-shoes, I strategized and selected a bunch of slim books to burn through while “Lonesome Dove” lumbered on. Various works by Sandra Cisneros, Woody Allen, and Daniel Woodrell begged to help staunch Kerry's onslaught. But Larry McMurtry pulled a fast one on me and all of the sudden “Lonesome Dove” became unputdownable. Gunfights, grueling journeys, abductions, revenge, finding inner reservoirs of strength – what more could I ask from a summertime read? At the same time the supposedly “fast” read I had chosen, “Franny and Zooey,” seemed plodding and dense. Why would I want to untangle Zooey’s theories on theology when I HAD to find out whether July Johnson was ever going to realize Ellie* was just no good for him?

But I chipped away at “F&Z” and finally finished it last night. At times it seemed like I was reading a play - all of the characters speak in long soliloquies where they espouse their different points of view and not an awful lot “happens.” Maybe I felt this way because Zooey, with his world-weary misanthropy at age twenty-five, wouldn’t seem out of place in a Neil LaBute or David Mamet production. And I also had the disconcerting experience of playing “spot the reference” where books and movies I had enjoyed in the past were overshadowed by the debt they owed to Salinger (“The Royal Tenenbaums” took a severe hit on this front, what with its family of geniuses, suicidal brother, and significant use of bathroom smoking). But in the end, I was glad I read it, and it only strengthened my hope that J.D. Salinger (as well as Harper Lee) has a vault full of completed manuscripts that will all be published as soon as the legal paperwork has been completed by his estate.

*Oh, man, I know she’s had a tough life and not a lot of opportunities, but I really hate Ellie.

Leaving on a Jet Plane: Advantage, Brendan?

Here's a little known secret about my brother: he is a thoughtful reader. That is my nice way of saying that for every page he reads, I read 14 of chick-lit's finest. Now, I've already admitted that my retention of what I've read is minimal, but that doesn't matter when the plot lines revolve around single girls out on the hunt in New York, London, Dublin, etc. On reading speed alone, you'd think I'd be the clear winner (I love to win!).

Not so fast, loyal readers. (We have four followers! Not including our mother!). Here's why I think Brendan has a fighting chance to win this thing:

1. I wake up each morning to spend some time with Tony Horton before the kids get up. I could try holding a book while doing Plyo, but I'm fairly certain the insurance company would refuse to cover any injuries incurred doing that.
2. My three kids...unless I can convince Brendan that reading aloud children's books can count toward our totals (and if I read "Rhinos Who Surf" seven times in one day, does that count as seven individual reads or just one?).
3. I pretty much only read at night, after the kids are in bed. It's impossible for me to fall asleep without reading, so that's what I do every night. So that means each time I pick up a book, I'm nodding off soon afterward.
4. Brendan travels a lot for work, giving him some prime reading hours in the sky (too bad that consistent motion lulls him to sleep in an instant). His big trip in August could score him some serious points.
5. Brendan's dog, Josie, just loves it when he reads out loud to her. She can't wait to find out how Lonesome Dove concludes.
6. For the recommendation challenge, Brendan will probably hone in on my weakness (reading books where terrible things happen to children) and make me read "Sophie's Choice" instead of Sophie Kinsella. I may lose on a technicality.

Get ready, folks. I'm a day or so away from posting on my reading log for the first time, but Brendan was on the 6AM flight from Boston to Chicago today and may beat me to it. The race is on!

Preliminary Discussion of the Summer Reading Adventure (SRA)

One of the first arguments we got in over the reading list was when does the "program" begin. At the time of its inception, I was 200 pages into "Lonesome Dove," which I had temporarily put aside so I could read my sister's copy of "The Help" (70 pages in) while I was home for five days. A side note, toggling between "Lonesome Dove" and "The Help" is a terrible idea. I went from thoughts of getting the cattle to Montana on time to pondering racial injustice and the cleaning capabilities of Crisco. Basically, the only similarity between the two books is that women had minimal rights in both 1870's Texas and 1960's Louisiana. Although I have already started my fanfiction short story about the prostitute Lori Wood moving to Jackson and making quick work of all the Junior Leagues' husbands.

Anyway, could I count these books once I finished them, or could only books started after the SRA's inception be included? Kerry graciously conceded that yes, those books would count. We also agreed that plays counted, but not a short story in a magazine. This led us into a discussion about anthologies and the formulation of "The ISBN Rule." Neither of us mentioned poetry anthologies because nobody reads poetry. Kerry will probably lie and talk about how much she loves Billy Collins but really, nobody reads poetry.